My sister’s Big Fat Indian Wedding....
Updated: Nov 26, 2020
July 2018 was a crazy month in our house, my sister was getting married and if you know anything about Indian weddings you will know they are a big affair, the celebrations go on for over a week and we have family from all over the world come and stay. It was sooo much fun, the singing, dancing, mendhi, traditions everything I absolutely love. A big fat Indian wedding is me all day long.
During the wedding though I started feeling tired, emotional, I struggled finishing my sentences and I’d literally fall asleep mid conversation. I instantly knew the issue, my b12 was low and I needed injections pretty quick, so I booked an emergency doctors appointment.
During this appointment, it suddenly dawned on me that a few months earlier I had felt a lump in my breast and as I was at the doctors I may as well get it checked out. My attitude was literally that blahsay.
Having looked at the lump the doc referred me to the hospital. Now I’ve waited on letters from the hospital before and I have to say, You’d be lucky to get an appointment for anything within 3 months. So you can imagine my surprise when I received my referral letter the next day for a hospital appointment the day after. I’m not going to lie I was pissed, a house full of wedding guests, a pre wedding party the day of the appointment, shit loads to do, and here’s me having to go to the hospital. It was all quite overwhelming. So I thought at this point it was best not to tell anyone except my dad, I had to he was my driver lol.
Friday morning came and off I went to the hospital, to be honest I was really shocked when I walked into the Breast clinic the first thing I noticed was how young everyone was. I had just assumed everyone would be a lot older, I suppose that’s the impression we are given when it comes to breast cancer.
A few hours of waiting and I was finally seen, I couldn’t help but notice how absolutely beautiful the doctor who had just opened the door was. His eyes were just mesmerising, his tone was sweet and there I bloody was, no makeup, hair greasy, literally a dogs dinner. Typical!! And to make things 100 times worse I was now going to have to strip off and get my boobs out. Bloody great!! Not awkward at all!!!! I’m the girl who doesn’t even get changed in front of her sisters. I’m one of the most insecure people ever. This was beyond a nightmare for me! But little did I know that stripping off for randoms was pretty much going to become the norm for me.
My body insecurities definitely stem from always being the chubby one in the family and as I got older the fat one. We’d all eat the same and as a family we weren’t big eaters, but I’d always look like I’d eaten triple what everyone else had. My mum was slim, dad was fit kids were slim and then there was me. A completely different body to them all. I hated it, still do.
Anyway after examining me the gorgeous doctor confirmed ‘yes we definitely detect a lump’. By this time I was thinking yea ok tell me something I don’t know and what now?? He went on to tell me that he needed me to go downstairs, have a mammogram and an ultra sound, then come back up and get my results. The anxiety was now seriously kicking in, it was my baby sisters wedding and I was still at the hospital. it was 2 o’clock and my make up artist was arriving at 4 o’clock. I had a zillion other things to do. I was really starting to panic.
The next thing you know I just burst into tears, I felt like a right idiot, crying over the stress of a wedding. Luckily for me it just so happened that one of the machines weren’t working, so I was asked to come back in two weeks. That was music to my ears and off I went but with a funny feeling in my stomach.
I literally cried all the way home, I had no idea why I just did. I scared the living daylights out of my dad as you can imagine. I told him that they weren’t testing me for another 2 weeks and his response was so what’s wrong, I just remember shouting at him, saying I don’t know. I just don’t know!
I remember that feeling like it was yesterday, this overwhelming stress, the heaviness. The tears are rolling down my face as I write about it now because even thinking about that feeling hurts.
You know growing up we were very loved by our parents, my three sisters and brother we all knew that but showing affection with hugs, saying things like I love you never happen in our household ever. It didn’t affect us in anyway emotionally because like I said we knew we were very loved but it definitely moulded us into the people we are today.
I’m very uncomfortable when someone steps into my personal space. Like really uncomfortable. I’m a great listener and I have this thing where people feel very comfortable with telling me all their problems, the only thing with that is it often comes with tears. Which in turn means stepping into hug them, comfort them. This really doesn’t come naturally to me and I really do struggle with it. So when I do hug I tap, I’m the ‘there there’ person Lol.
I’m telling you this because when I got home from the hospital that day I went straight to my room where my baby sister Herds was getting things ready for her wedding day. I just remember her coming over and giving me the biggest tightest hug I’d ever got and she didn’t let go, considering how much hugs weren’t for me I don’t think I’ve needed anything more. I cried and cried for what felt like ages until all the tears were out and she didn’t let go until they were.
Then that was it, it was time to get myself together put my game face on and do this wedding. And that is exactly what I did. The wedding was absolutely amazing and I didn't think about what may be coming not once.